The day is fast approaching — the first meeting! Whether you’re intended parents using surrogacy to bring your child into the world or you’re a gestational surrogate mother, there are bound to be a lot of emotions surrounding this first face-to-face interaction. The nerves and excitement you experience may feel more like a first date.

Even if the interaction is a bit awkward at first, don’t worry. The goal of this first meeting is to ensure you’ve both found your perfect match before embarking on this journey together. This meeting will be the beginning of your special relationship over the next nine months.

Whether your first meeting is in person or via a video conference, take a deep breath and relax. Here are five helpful tips to put your mind at ease and help the meeting go smoothly.

1. Be Prepared

A little preparation ahead of time will make all the difference. When you work with an agency, you’ll be able to review the profile of your surrogate or intended parents. This information gives you a basic idea about who they are and their goals for this process.

Jot down a few questions and ideas about what you want to discuss during the first meeting. These can be serious or more lighthearted. If your scheduled meeting is a video call, be sure to check whatever app you’re using and make sure you have a strong Internet connection. This will help avoid technical difficulties or dropped calls.

2. Trust the Process

Some parents feel like they need to come to the first meeting with a list of requirements for their surrogate. While this is understandable, talking about medical advice or finances right away may only serve to put a strain on your future relationship.

Agencies like Western Fertility Institute consider your specific preferences for a surrogate mother well before the first meeting. The woman we’ve chosen will likely share many of your most important goals for the process. She will also have the advice of medical professionals to keep your child safe and healthy.

3. Keep It Light

A bit of communication etiquette will go a long way to create trust. Practice thoughtfulness in the way you ask questions and what you choose to talk about. It’s okay to be inquisitive about each other, but try to keep the conversation light. Remember — this first meeting is not about screening one another. Both surrogate mothers and intended parents undergo a thorough screening process before joining the program.

Focus your conversation on getting to know each other with topics like:

  • Family background
  • General questions about lifestyle
  • Hobbies and what they do in their free time
  • What led them to be a part of this journey

4. Listen

If you have jitters, you may start to ramble or take over the conversation without even realizing it. Remember that the main purpose of this meeting is to get to know each other. If the conversation becomes stilted, prepare questions designed to get the other person to open up and share stories.

5. Share Your Hopes and Expectations

Communication is a vital component in any surrogacy journey. An open and honest relationship between surrogates and intended parents sets the stage for success. That’s why this is the perfect time to establish your communication expectations.

How often will you talk? What form will meetings take? Will you set up video calls or visit in-person? It’s a good idea if everyone is on the same page. You may need to compromise, and that’s OK — just as long as your conversation ends with a clear idea of what the future holds.

Start Your Surrogacy Journey Today

If you’re interested in surrogacy, Western Fertility Institute is here for you. Whether you want to become a gestational surrogate or you’re ready to bring a child into your life through third-party reproduction, we want to walk you through this life-changing process. Contact our Southern California-based facility today to speak with a compassionate member of our team.

This content was medically reviewed by the Western Fertility Institute medical team on September 9, 2019.