The bond between a surrogate and the intended parents is a more intimate one than you might expect. It’s an emotional process for everyone involved, and sometimes surrogates and parents aren’t sure how to build healthy relationships without over-stepping boundaries or making someone uncomfortable. That said, a warm and trusting relationship is essential for both parties to create a positive surrogate experience that will provide happy memories for years to come. Here are some tips:
Be communicative and honest:
One of the main criteria for any healthy relationship is communication and honesty. Intended parents have little control over what happens to their baby during the pregnancy, but they are just as invested in the safety and care of the child as the surrogate is over the course of that first nine months. It’s so important to foster trust and understanding in your parent/surrogate relationship to make sure everyone’s needs are properly met.
Show appreciation:
If you’re an intended parent using a surrogate to have a child, you should start off early by showing them you care and appreciate the effort and energy they’re investing for your baby. They’re more than just the carrier of your baby — they’re a person who has dedicated time to helping you build your family. A kind gesture here and there or a show of gratitude can go a long way in this relationship.
Keep in contact (as often as everyone feels comfortable):
Some surrogates and parents may prefer to stay in contact more than others, and that’s okay. Coming to an agreement about how often you’ll keep in touch can help you build a more balanced relationship. Call one another for a chat or send updates via text when you feel comfortable — you might even decide to meet up occasionally if possible. It’s okay to set boundaries, but communication is key. Having contact with one another over the course of this incredible journey can help put your mind at ease and potentially create long-lasting friendships.
Stay flexible:
In any relationship, there are times when you may have to be flexible or make a compromise. The same applies to the arrangement between surrogate and parent. While it would be nice if the entire surrogacy went off without a hitch, you might not always agree on everything. Being flexible isn’t the same as giving in during a disagreement — it’s about respecting what the other person has to say and considering their perspective. This is a big part of that honesty and communication we discussed earlier, and it can make for a more pleasant experience for everyone involved.
There’s no particular path to success that works for every parent/surrogate relationship — but at the heart of them all is respect and trust. As long as you communicate with kindness and honesty, you may get more than a healthy baby out of your relationship — you may also come out with a life-long friend.
To find out more about how to get involved in the surrogate program, contact the Western Fertility Institute today!
This content was medically reviewed by the Western Fertility Institute medical team on July 22, 2019.